The Average Blogger

Feeding the Soul

I was e-mailing a friend yesterday about bad daytime TV and wound up spending about 45 seconds reflecting on my fascination with Joel Osteen.

Mind, I don't think he's my key to salvation, or anything. Quite the opposite. He creeps me right the hell out.  But there is something about his unctious come-across and his ability to go for long periods without blinking and the way his smile looks positively botoxed into place that make it difficult for me to turn the channel when I stumble over his show.

In short, apparently I like evangelical car wrecks.

I think part of this is because evangelism seems sort of naughty to me. I was raised completely sans religion.  We did not attend church, we did not memorize Bible passages at home, none of that. My dad was a staffer in the philosophy and religion department of the Los Angeles library for awhile, so any time I asked any even remotely existential question the answer was, "Hell if I know, but the blablas say ..." followed by several different theoretical answers from various schools of thought depending on what he had been thumbing through recently.

We were rabid secularists. We celebrated Christmas and Easter for the decorations and the presents and the candy and the eggs.

But somewhere in there I somehow grew up entrenched in the notion that prayer for self-gain is bad.  You were supposed to pray for the well-being of those worse off than yourself. It was always my impression that the only thing you were allowed to pray for in a personal sense was strength to believe that whatever bad noise was coming your way really would work out all right cos the big guy knows what he's doing. You were supposed to pray for world peace. You were supposed to pray for the strength to understand why you were flunking chemistry, and perhaps you should pray for God's forgiveness that you were out boozing instead of studying. You were not supposed to pray that you would ace your chem final. 

I don't think this ever stopped anyone, including my agnostic self, from praying to ace a chem final.

As a result, I always thought churches seemed like a bit of a biblical loophole; a social quid pro quo. You can't pray for a cure for your own wasting illness, but you can pray for your neighbor's. So you'd pray for them and then the next time you're dying they'll pray for you.  It always seemed a little strange to me, but there it was.

And then I come to find out there's this whole school of thought that if you just pray hard enough for it, you'll win the lottery! You'll get the best parking spaces! You'll never go hungry again!

It intrigues me, this notion.

I am a big fan of religion, in the abstract. I envy those who derive comfort from it. I see the social benefits and how it can be beneficial when not taken to nutjob extremes. I'm fascinated by people who truly know God and clearly shine with the light of utter inner peace. 

But I definitely do not understand it.

Raphaela and I have had long conversations about this in the past, about this particular strain of religion and how damaging it is to be told that you'll get what you want if you just pray hard enough. Because that means that when your baby is born sickly or you actually DO die of cancer, it's your fault for not praying hard enough. What a dreadful concept. And then what, when you are devastated by what has befallen you and you are overwhelmed by this guilt of not praying hard enough, is that misery because you didn't pray hard enough for understanding and acceptance?

On the other hand, always praying for others drops a pretty big load of guilt on you too, when bad things happen to them.  And praying for internal peace and acceptance, well... good luck with that.

Or maybe you're just supposed to pray to God and give him the thumbs up that no matter what he doles out, it's all good by you, you'll just be riding the train waiting for the whistlestop in Heaven?

Fuck all that. Annie Savoy got it right. I believe in the church of baseball. Hell, I got married in it.  Walt Whitman got it right. It will repair those losses, and be a blessing to us.

Feb. 14, folks. It may be Valentine's Day, but in 2009 it is also the best day of the year for boundless optimism and the sense of infinite possibility.  Spring training is the time of year I miss Florida most.

Amen.

Wanna Be the First Lady of Infinity...

Well, I had a big quasi-political screed all set to go, but my cooler-headed censors have put it on standby, so instead you get a little religion news:

So... this guy. Why is it if you claim to be the Messiah you are labeled a nut and shipped off to the booby hatch, but people will line up around the village to get tapped on the head by some teenage jungle hippie? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that Buddhists do, after all, believe in reincarnation. But how do they know he is **THE** Buddha and not just, like, **A** Buddha? Or the New and Improved Buddha? Or ... well, you get my point.

Personally, I'm way more pumped up about this form of afterlife. Traces of a civilization from more than 4,000 years ago -- that's way more fascinating to me, and a heck of a lot more tangible. And hey, Zahi managed to keep his hands off the ladies in this footage, so there's a bonus.

Til Death ... Or, I Dunno, a USC-Arizona Game -- Do Us Part

Well, thank goodness that's all over. Now I can go back to my regular life of arguing about the future of my department, not the future of the nation.

Yesterday morning, as a sop to the kid, who has been sick and quasi-neglected this week, we snuck out for an early-morning viewing of Madagascar 2.  The movie was OK, the popcorn was good (even at that hour of the morning), and afterward we zipped through Lowe's and caught a little more Christmas cheer and bought some more Christmas Town pieces and a singing Snoopy thing for the YP.

(Aside: Let's take it easy on the retailers this year. I know there are people horrified by the early advent of Christmas stuff in stores, but hey, if you were a shopkeeper looking at the worst economy in ages with people screaming that they can't afford fripperies, you'd be doing everything you could to boost sales too. Ordinarily I share this distaste of early marketing and hate hearing the songs on the radio before Thanksgiving, but I'm giving a Bailout Pass this year.  That, and I totally want to set up some Christmas stuff the weekend before Thanksgiving, much to NYAB's vociferous disapproval. But the thing is -- we'll be gone at Thanksgiving! I'm losing that four-day weekend usually devoted to sorting through boxes and dusting off decorations and chucking old strings of lights!)

Anyway, so we showed up at the movie theater pretty early. And ran smack into people attending ... church? 

Yes, seriously. Church is being held in movie theaters. Have any of y'all heard of this?  I was intrigued. And sorely tempted to pick up a free pastry on my way into the show, but I refrained.

As we were leaving, I picked up some literature.  The church part was pretty much what you'd expect. We love Jesus!  Bring your kids! Tell your friends! Spread the Word!

But apparently the theme of the day was marriage, because there was this other blue flier with about a gerzillion questions about mens and wimminz and the happy confluence thereof.  To wit:

When you look at your marriage, do you model it on marriages you see in TV? Books or magazines? Your family? Dude. That's a pretty broad range. I mean, are we talking books like the Stepford Wives or biographies of John and Abigail Adams?
Do you view marriage as a contract or a covenant? Errrm. Yes?
Expectations begin as desires and become a perception of debts owed. What do you feel your spouse owes you?  A chance to sleep in at least once a week.
When you encounter conflict in your marriage, do you force your way, roll over, or compromise? Yes!
Did you know compromise isn't always a good thing? Of course. Just ask Czechoslovakia.
Do you tend to grouse about things not getting done, but then not be appreciative when they do get done? Yup.
Do you tend to see things that need to be done, but assume someone else will do them? Nope.

Well.  I'm going to take it as a sign that I have a fairly secure marriage that I made NYAB read this thing and he didn't divorce me. 

When you look at your marriage, do you model it on marriages you see in TV? Books or magazines? Your family? No, No, Hell No.
Do you view marriage as a contract or a covenant? Come on. Really?
Expectations begin as desires and become a perception of debts owed. What do you feel your spouse owes you? Not to subject me to nonsense like this. I guess I was wrong.
When you encounter conflict in your marriage, do you force your way, roll over, or compromise? The Man Always Gets His Way. Except When He Doesn't. Which Is Always.
Did you know compromise isn't always a good thing? Of course. Just ask Czechoslovakia.
Do you tend to grouse about things not getting done, but then not be appreciative when they do get done? Nope.
Do you tend to see things that need to be done, but assume someone else will do them? Yup.

Looks like a match made in heaven, to me. 

The Who Are as What, Now?

Disclaimer: I don't watch the View. I came to this third- or fourth-hand -- which also explains why I'm so far behind the curve in posting.

OK, so.. if "radical Christianity is as dangerous as radical Islam," why hasn't Jerry Falwell or one of that crowd issued a fatwa against O'Donnell? Why, instead, have radical Christians allowed this lebian activist to become a multimillionaire, adopt children and marry her girlfriend? And why aren't all the View audience members who applauded (and forgive me if I find THAT a bit disturbing,) presumably still walking the streets instead of hiding under their beds for fear of reprisal? Why hasn't an ABC intern been gunned down outside a Starbucks on her way to get coffee for the cast? Granted, O'Donnell did add an ".... in America" afterthought to the end of that comment, which I take to mean that she figures both groups are an equal threat inside our borders because radical Muslims also aren't getting a lot of press for chasing down detractors. At least, not for five years or so.

See, I'm not anti-gay, I'm not religious by any stretch, and I pretty much think being radically anything is a sign you need the men in white coats to come talk you out of your tree and into their nice cozy butterfly nets. I'm guessing that Rosie's net would be labeled "radically liberal." I also freely admit that I am probably biased in favor of the religious group that has not yet indicated they would like me dusted from the earth because I support the free market system and running around half-naked in the summertime.  But surely there are some  liberals out there -- heck, even some  Muslims? -- who would find this comment disturbing?

It's my understanding that this silliness provoked a cry of outrage from the usual groups, an equal cry of defensive outrage from the other usual groups, and 99.999 percent of the world either didn't hear about it or didn't care. Which is a good thing, really. Frankly, Rosie is kind of goofy anyway.

"The Brightest Beacon for Freedom and Opportunity in the World"

If your eyes rolled at the title, move along now. There are plenty of Sept. 11 anniversary retrospectives out there today. If you’re jaded or burned out, feel free to skip this one.

I’ve been afraid of exactly three things in my life: My mom, failure, and (more recently,) something terrible happening to NYAB or the Young Prince. 

(Well, and snakes. But that’s so irrational it really shouldn’t count.)

So when a group of people threatens my well-being, my way of life, everything I stand for and believe in, I don’t get scared. I get pissed off. Threaten me? Like hell!

I suppose this explains why Sept. 11 was a turning point for me. I had been married for less than a month. We both worked night shifts. The first inkling I had that anything was out of the ordinary was when my boss called telling me he wasn’t sure whether I should come in or if the city would be closed down. I think my response was something appropriately concerned like, “Eh? Huh. Well, okay!” Then I turned on the television and saw what had happened in New York. While I was still mystified as to why this would matter to my boss and my work plans, my friend from New York called to see if I was all right, and I could ask why SHE was calling ME. It was at that point I went and roused NYAB.

As it turned out, he went to work that night and I didn't have to. Instead, I tried to figure out a way to help the people stranded at DC’s airports.

And then? NYAB and I decided we weren’t going to let any bunch of assholes scare us out of any hardcore life decisions. Eight months later, I was pregnant. According to Adrianne Frost interviewed in this article, I was one of many -- which apparently is a cause of consternation for La Frost and a display of overt selfishness on my part. Well, guess what? I don’t really give a good god damn what THEY think either. (But this article is a whole other rant.) Having the Young Prince was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If the Young Prince grows up to embrace American patriotism, hedonism, capitalism, the free market and conspicuous consumption, we will have accomplished what we set out to do, and whatever terrorists are running around at that point will have one more badass mo-fo to contend with.

Of course, there was also the trip we took to Israel when I was four months pregnant, made for much the same reason. I’m blessed to have found a man who understands and climbs on board the “Threaten me? Forbid me? Just you try it!” bandwagon.

Some of the newsrags out there are posing the question, “Do you feel safer now than you did before Sept. 11?” I find this question sort of dumb, really. Before Sept. 11, did ANY non-paranoid person think twice before going into a high-rise? And post-Sept. 11, would ANY amount of security really stop you from feeling a twinge?

An acquaintance was telling me about her bumpersticker, “Yeehaw is not a foreign policy.” Well, that’s true, I suppose. It doesn’t stop me from wanting a sticker that counters, “Neither is appeasement.”

Do we as a nation feel safer? Actually, I think the answer is yes, and here’s why. More than 3,000 people died on Sept. 11, 2001, and yet, here we are in September 2006 going gaga over the fact that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have released photos of their spawn. This, in spite of a fairly new awareness of how much potential danger there is out there. Seriously, if we didn’t feel safe, would Vanity Fair's cover photo be Katie Couric’s big story? Say what you will about the war on terror and whether it’s working, I don’t think anyone can really deny that homeland security programs have done exactly what our leaders wanted – protected and preserved the American way of life. (Which I have to say, given TomKat, really is a “for better or worse” prospect.)

Would I feel the same if I were a Muslim? I don’t know. I do know that if I were a Muslim living in America, I’d be busting my ass to demonstrate my love of adopted country, not sitting around waiting for someone to oppress me so I could file a lawsuit.

Insensitive? Of course I am. But I think most have to concede mine is a practical approach. I’m a journalist. I’m very fond of the First Amendment. I read a fair amount about it. Mostly from the freedom of speech and press angle, but the religious aspect does share the spotlight. This country was first settled by people seeking to escape religious persecution. There’s a reason religion is protected in the FIRST Amendment, not the 41^st. I like to point out that it does NOT provide freedom from religion -- which to my thinking would mean prayer in school should be allowed, but not enforced. Prayer in school is not an establishment of religion, it is a religious expression. I’m clearly in a minority on this, despite being pretty much the only agnostic and non-member of Teens for Christ in my graduating class of somewhere around a thousand people, where I was also a distinct minority.

Let’s take a quick review of the First Amendment, shall we? “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

There are those who will tell you that the First Amendment not only means no prayer in public school, it also means granting certain students certain privileges during Ramadan. And that’s fine. What’s not fine is when Islam veers into Islamofascism, and protection of religion comes at the expense of protecting society in general. The Supreme Court apparently disagrees with me somewhat on this, ruling that Santeria is OK and overruling animal cruelty and public health ordinances (passed by the good folks of Hialeah as soon as they learned about the practice going on in their area,) as violating the First Amendment.

Justice is blind. The Supreme Court was right to overrule, because the ordinances clearly were passed to target a specific religious practice, something forbidden by the First Amendment. Fortunately, freedom of expression is not unlimited. Religious groups can not perform human sacrifice because that falls under the rubric of murder. Not completely versed in constitutional law, I could be wrong on this next bit, but it is my understanding that advocacy falls into a gray area. So, a mullah telling his followers to get out there and blow up the Blue Jean Blondies: religious practice or incitement to riot? Presumably it depends on the results, much like yelling "fire" in a crowded theater.

Religious persecution is bad, no question. Beating up a Sikh because they look like a Muslim is not just persecution, it's idiotic. Yes, it happens. No, it is not a majority action or opinion. We all recognize and acknowledge it as idiocy and oppression and say it is wrong.

So why do Americans have so much trouble with the opposite concept, that oppressive and persecuting religions are every bit as bad, and a hell of a lot more dangerous? Yes, Christianity in the time of the Crusades was a bad scene. But those days are over. Since the power of the state was removed from its hands, circa the late 17th century, Christianity has pretty much had its teeth removed. Islam today is pretty much where Christianity was then. I don't know if the same separation is possible with Islam -- nobody will know until it either happens or the religion vanishes from the planet. I am sure thinkers during the Inquisition figured that separation of religious from political was unthinkable, yet here we are. And I think Islam will continue to pose a threat until, like Christianity, it gets its teeth removed.

Is it wrong to target Muslims as a group that poses a potential risk? Is racial profiling wrong? Well, I'll ask you what I asked a friend of mine shortly after Sept. 11 who was complaining about being Arab in America and unfairly pegged as a possible threat. "Have you ever been worried about being raped by a woman?" No? Why not? Because experience tells you the odds of that are slim to none, right? So why is it that we can't at the very least exclude, say, the Amish from this bigger circle of suspects? 

 

Rodney King wanted to know whether we couldn’t all just get along. Apparently not. It’s too bad that most of today’s navel-gazing will focus on how mean Whitey is to Muslims, how sad it is that we haven’t really recovered, that we as a society have “lost our innocence,” (the idea we had innocence is kind of laughable, really, when you consider that the World Trade Center didn’t go down until the SECOND attempt,) and blablabla.

I know it’s out of vogue and all, but what I’d really like to see is a whole rainbow of folks, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, agnostic, you name it, actually joining forces and having a Mom-and-Apple-Pie-Go-America rally. Remember that period after the bombing when you would see U.S. flags everywhere? I had friends who were disgusted by that outpouring of patriotism. It’s depressing to me that even in the three to six months after thousands of Americans died, I knew people who considered it tragically unhip to be too proud of your nationality, to display a clear symbol of national solidarity in your front yard, or from your car antenna, or pinned to your lapel. That kind of backlash occurred within three months. It’s been five years. Solidarity? Please. There are people who will vigorously defend gay marriage in one breath and in the next breath take up for the Islamofascists who would kill those people first. I have a hard time with this equivocation, that everyone deserves equal consideration and protection regardless of unequal motives or aspirations.

There are those who freaked about the Patriot Act, about the erosion of rights and liberties. Well, the Patriot Act did not, as far as I know, land thousands of harmless people in jail, there has been no widespread abuse of innocent civilians reported, (and believe me, if it were happening, it would be reported all out of proportion to whatever might have actually happened,) and while I will admit it is minorly irritating to have to doff my shoes and allow my 3-year-old to be frisked at the airport, I’m going to take a bold step here and say that’s a pretty small price to pay compared with the alternative. Search my luggage, by all means. Much like when the cashier looks at my unsigned credit card and asks to see my driver’s license, I’m just grateful when I encounter someone – anyone – paying attention and taking my safety seriously. I am far more upset when I see luggage go from sidewalk to Amtrak overhead bin without so much as a bomb-sniffing dog in between.

Do I think the war on terror can be won? Honestly, no. Because the United States is “civilized” and “compassionate,” and doesn’t do well when confronted with concepts like “genocide,” which is pretty much what we’d be looking at if we were serious about winning. Do I think democracy can be attained in the Middle East? I honestly don’t know. I don't know if the people over there really get the concept. Even if all the nations in question do finally opt to hold free elections, there will always be dissenters (after all, it was John Wilkes Booth and his posse o' sore losing radicals who shot Lincoln, not Jeff Davis or Robert E. Lee.) And I don't know if the leaders who would be selected are really on board with the whole Team USA concept, so even if democracy does someday flourish without dissent, I'm not sure what it would achieve in terms of our foreign policy. I know Israel has way more to lose and is a lot more willing to do the hard things necessary for self preservation, but I don’t know if that’s enough, and I do know we are squeamish allies. Do I think the United States will prevail within its own borders? I do. The vocal minority yelling about their lost rights notwithstanding, I think most people recognize they’d rather (for example,) safely live in and drive through port cities with a couple fewer freedoms than be dead with all the honors and privileges contained therein.

So that puts the tally at two causes of hope I have that stem from Sept. 11.