The Average Blogger

It's a Brand New Record for 1990...

First of all, I'm just delighted that so many of y'all have the impeccable taste to recognize a VF lyric when you see it. I knew you were class. :)  Now you can see if today's title rings any bells -- and on with our post:

So, when your husband is laid up and you have a huge day of work ahead of you, and you have had a cold for two days and it has been raining for weeks and your 5-year-old spent most of his time yesterday locked indoors and entertaining himself while the grownups acted like babies and slept the day away ... what words do you suppose you least want to hear that 5-year-old utter?

"Mama, could you please clean up the water in the basement?"

Errm. How much water? "Oh, Mama, a LOT."

Oh, my.  And he was right. I filled the shop vac twice and used pretty much every towel in the house.  And I will have to throw out a couple old couch cushions that had been used for lounging purposes down there but were very effective sponges for this bit of excitement.

"YP, when did you notice there was water in the basement?"
"Oh, yesterday."
"Uh huh. Next time, come tell me immediately, OK?"
"Yes, mama."

He was very helpful -- fetching me towels and moving boxes and chairs.  Then he made me laugh by taking the tiniest washrag in the bunch and proceeding to try to sop up a half-inch of water with it.

When it was as dry as I could get it, we went back upstairs.  "So, YP, next time you find water in the basement, what do you do?"
"I tell you."
"When?"
"Immediately!"

NYAB pipes in with -- "Hey, you know, he asked me yesterday why there was water in the basement, but I didn't know what he was talking about. I told him because it was raining."

Siiigh. Giggle.

NYAB turns to YP, "You were a good boy, YP. You did the right thing to tell someone. Just make sure that next time you tell the right someone."

YP: "OK, Daddy. I'll make sure Mama knows when things break."

Oh, well. Imagine how this story would have ended if I had actually bought the pool table I was considering for Christmas....

I think for Mother's Day my gift will be a blank check to Lowe's for mold killer.  Whee!

Note to self: Next time that annoying little voice in your brain wakes you up at 3:45 saying, "The sump pump has been running nonstop since yesterday. Where do you suppose the water is going?" -- GO FIND OUT.

Alternative Uses

Crockpot
Cake: Coat bottom and sides of crockpot with cooking spray, pour in cake batter, cook on low setting for 2.5-3 hours. Let cake cool 30 minutes Serve warm or at room temperature spooned into bowls with chocolate sauce drizzled over and topped with whipped cream.

Wrap marinated chicken or vegetables in parchment paper and cook in the pot until done.
Make cider and keep hot during a party.
Serve cheese fondue from a low setting.

Ice Cream Maker
Pour 1 12-oz cola into the machine and let it go to work. When it’s slushy, serve it up in two glasses.
Make margaritas by pouring mix sans alcohol into the maker. When liquid has frozen, add tequila and triple sec.
Lime Rickey: 6 oz seltzer, 1 oz simple syrup (2 parts sugar in 1 part boiling water) and 1 oz lime juice into machine. Freeze 15-20 minutes.
Frozen hot chocolate: make instant cocoa and run machine for 20 minutes.

Rice Cooker:
Steam towels: Dampen, fold in thirds, roll and steam for 5 minutes.
Also use to make hot cereal, takes twice as long, but with no stirring.

Cappuccino Machine:
Crack an egg in a coffee cup, whip with a fork, then insert milk foamer. Steam will cook the egg.

Coffee Grinder:
Breadcrumbs.
Sugar and dried fruit or cinnamon.  Can be kept in a sealed jar for 6 weeks.

Waffle iron:
Grilled cheese: 1 T butter, 2 slices bread, 2 slices cheese. Butter bread on one side, place on iron butter side down. Add cheese, and second buttered slice of bread, butter side up. Cook 2-4 minutes.
Calzone: 2 rounds of pizza dough. Place one on hot iron, top with whatever, cover with the other, Cook 2-4 minutes.

Pasta maker can shred paper.

Coffeemaker:
Make tea – infused with fruit or not.  Add teabags and sliced fruit in basket and run.

Electric knife:
Cake, fruit, turkey.

Halloween

Luminarias up driveway
Pumpkins on the Malibu lights
Eyes in the rhododendrons
Big pumpkin on sidewalk by steps
Real pumpkins up the steps
Candy skeleton by front door (indoor or outdoor)
Cats in GBR window
Sticker skeleton in playroom window
Ghosts in the MBR windows
Wreath and sign in DR
Skeleton on front door
Light-up ceramic pumpkins in library windows
Pumpkin lights in living room
Garlands on mantel or curtain rods
Halloween town in Tom’s room
Gravestones in flower bed
Towels
Spotlights? Cookie jar? Backyard?
Pumpkin tchotchke on mirror shelf in front hall

Bake sugar cookies and decorate with orange and black letters for "Boo" or "Halloween"
Bake Halloween petits fours

JACK-O-LANTERNS:
Can be carved for full light, or scored with a "chisel gouge" about 1/8" deep for filtered light.

July 4

JULY 4
Bunting under front MBR and GBR windows
Flag in playroom window
Star in living room
Flag streamers on deck
RWB towels (Do we have these?)

FOR GOING TO LEESBURG
Ida lee park, parking good at 6.
Chairs and blanket and tripod.
Cooler and wagon.
Glow in the dark stuff.
Beach ball or football.

Haymarket House Projects

We live in USDA Zone 7, Middle South.

 January:
Test for radon.
Make sure attic insulation is working. Look for snow on roof to melt faster than other houses.

February:
Check sump pump

March:
Smoke alarms and CO2 detectors
Fire extinguisher pressure

April:
Paint the house

May:
Spray for poison ivy
Hose down trash cans and remove standing water once a week.

June:
Power wash and treat deck.
Chimney inspection.

July:
Let grass grow higher to save water and roots.

August:
Clear dryer vents.
Seal garage floor.

September:
Furnace inspection.
Resod.

October:
Test windows for drafts.
Plant bulbs.

November:
Turn off outdoor water.
Lubricate locks and hinges with WD-40.

December:
Test toilets.
Clean gutters.

Pipe from house to septic tank: February 2005.  Has guarantee.
New septic pump, wiring, fuse box 2011.
Water:New filter and softener in 2016; serviced in 2019.
Attic fan: Meh.  

Chimney: Checked and recapped, new damper 2017.
Gutters cleaned and repaired 2017
Deck sealed in spring 2020; need again 2022. 
Sump pump replaced 2020
Septic tank pumped 2020; need again in 2022.
Dryer vents done 2020; need again 2022

Driveway redone 2017

FOR 2021:
New fuel oil tank

 

OUTDOORS

Do NOT buy:
winky rose columbine
jasmine
yellow lady's bank rose

Blooming times:
March:
Daffodils
forsythia
redbud
pansies
tulip magnolias

April:
tulips
azaleas
dogwood

May:
peonies
iris
rhododendron

June:
petunias
day lilies

Sep:
jacaranda

TREES
Ginkgo: Yellow
Scarlet Oak – lots of room, good shade tree.
Chinese pistache – medium-size shade tree
Sweet gum – yellow/red/orange
Red maple – autumn flame/October glory/red sunset
Dogwood – Appalachian spring, or Cherokee sunset
Japanese maple – drought resistant: bloodgood, emperor I glowing embers, garnet, red dragon
Sugar maple – commemoration, legacy. Southern sugar maple is also a good alternative.

NIGHT GARDENING:
Cleome and nicotiana
green and white caladium
white cosmos
white heliotrope
White Wave petunias
Angels trumpets
Sweet alyssum

-- Observe the moon's path for several nights and plant where light is least obstructed. Plant the front edge with low ground covers, in the middle use plants that stand 12-24" and anchor the back with plants 2' high.  Use soft diffused light for nights with no moon. (Solar lights, twinkle lights, etc.)

Front yard:

NO petunias in front. Use vincas.  Use petunias for flower bowls, NOT on the ground.
Redbud when that giant tree behind azaleas dies.

salvia

Chimney side:
Ferns
coleus

 

PREPARING PLANTS FOR WINTER
Remove and discard annuals. Clip perennials to just above soil.
weed and spread compost.
Empty pots of plants and soil and store indoors.
Drain and unhook hoses and store indoors.

FALL PERENNIALS:
Japanese anemones such as Konigin Charlotte  or Honorine Jobert. Also, asters and swamp sunflowers.

Good gardening soil:
4 parts peat
1 part perlite
1 part blood meal
1 part bonemeal

 INDOORS
Master Bedroom
Remodel closet, with built in drawers

Master Bath:
Make a linen closet/laundry room , add wall between bedroom, knock out existing wall.
Build on closet and massive storage over garage.

Group collections of mirrors on blank walls for décor.

LAMPS:
Living room:

Try 26-34 inches tall. Bottom of the shade shouldn’t be higher than eye level.
Make sure the base is heavy enough to get bumped into.
There should be a light source every 10 feet or so. If a lamp is between a sofa and a chair, consider a thin or transparent base to keep sight lines open.
Fabric or semi-opaque paper shade allows for a warm, flattering glow. Near a TV, an opaque shade reduces glare.
Drum shades look modern, conical more traditional. Shades should not extend beyond a table edge.
For reading lamps, make sure of at least 60 watts, 3-way bulbs or dimmers can moderate. (GE Reveal)
Use a valued object such as a vase into a lamp, most repair shops can help with wiring.

Bedroom:
Bedside lamps shouldn’t top 30 inches.
Use a slim base, to leave room for the clock, books, etc.
Keep it close to the wall.
Keep shades small, and paper or fabric.
Use dual-bulb lamps or 3-ways.
Try a lamp with a switch on the cord.

Christmas Planning:

Shopping:
Digital framed photos
Quirky
Weird, functional jewelry
Cute functional small stuff
Other cute cheap stuff

House:

Outdoors:
Luminarias up driveway
Wreath on mailbox
Candy canes along back steps
Garlands on deck
Wreaths on front windows
Front stoop: fake trees in pots

Tom:
Blue-white
Snowman decorations and bedding
Star Wars xmas tree

GBR:
Red-white
Red sheets, white spread, santa pillows
Red cones on table
Red candles in votive holder
Window electric candles

Playroom:
Snowflakes on walls
Tree in window with red ornaments

MBR:
Blue-white
Pinecones
Garland over bed
fake snow on dressers
Small ceramic tree
Window candles
Blue sheets, snowflakes bedspread

Library:
Light-up town on table
Window candles
Other decorations on the shelves
Garland around shelves

Hall:
Small tree – baseball

DR:
Red tablecloth
White snowflake plates
White center plate with red/white baby ornaments and red/white candles.
Berries on chandelier
Cards replace warren photo

Kitchen:
Towels
Red plaid on counter
Cookie jar
Wreaths above cabinets
Nook:
White lights, tree clips, red ornaments on shotglass shelves
White tablecloth, red chargers

Baths:
Downstairs: berry towels, candles
Upstairs: Santa towels, candles
MBR: snow towels (Do we have these?), candles

Living room:
Big wreath over fireplace
Garland and ornaments on mantel
Curtain bells
Tree in couch corner

TREE INFO:
100 lights per tree foot.

STASHING GIFTS:
Put tiny wrapped gifts in a compote
Load a festive shopping bag with gifts and hang as decor until you are ready to deliver.
Stash gifts in a basket tied up with ribbon.

 

Other Ideas:

Big letters painted gold spelling Joy, or Noel or whatever. Scrabble piece messages on plaid ribbon.

Drape garland around tops of lamp shades
Put a pillar candle in a compote and surround with large Christmas bulbs.
Take an arrangement of tall dried twigs in a not-quite-as-tall vase and hang pastel balls from them.
Hang wreaths in each front window.

Practical Info:
Use salt in a bag to shake dirt off wreaths
Use olive oil to get sap off your paws
Use cooking spray inside votives to keep wax from sticking
Dec. 22 is generally the last day to ship FedEx for xmas arrival.
3 p.m. is the last minute to put in a 12-14 lb turkey and have it ready by 6.

Wrapping Gifts:
Take a regular container, wrap one piece of solid paper around, and crimp at top, then wrap second, shorter patterned paper around and crimp it at top as well. Punch two grommets and run ribbon through to tie in a bow.

Cut ribbons in various lengths to fit around a regular jar and attach using glue. Accordion-fold some pretty and heavy paper, then staple ends to make a star and glue it to lid.

Line a clear package with colored wax paper and wrap with a button garland – several holiday-colored buttons strung on waxed thread.

Shred colored wax paper and use as filler in baking boxes.

Shipping Info:
Perishables
Send sturdy stuff, not flimsy. (Bar cookies, not lace ones.)
Cover with plastic wrap.
Line airtight container with wax paper.
Fill spaces with bubble wrap.
Double-box. Use excelsior wood junk as filler
Ship overnight and send early in the week
Write “perishable" on the box.

Breakables
Stuff filler in hollow glass or ceramic items, then bundle.
Put jewelry items in their own separate plastic Ziplocs, then surround with tissue.
Porcelain, china can be shipped in acid-free paper surrounded by bubblewrap. Same for light fixtures (remove the bulbs first).
Use sturdy, corrugated cardboard boxes.
Use inches of fill, consider double-boxing.
Consider insurance.

Odd Measures
Loosen strings on stringed instruments; add packing material inside instrument case.
Apply a grid of masking tape to mirror or glass before wrapping in bubble wrap or foam.
Wrap cardboard around tops and bottoms of snowboards or skis. Tape cardboard to itself, not to the board. Protect the rest with padding paper.
Buy an odd-measure box and stuff with packing material.
USPS ships up to 70 lbs.
UPS FedEx, DHS all ship 150 lbs, with some restrictions.
Bigger than that, you pay a fortune for “freight.”

Craft Decor
Ribbon Ornaments
1 small balloon
White glue or fabric stiffener
3-4 yards ribbon or lace
Small decorations.

Blow up balloon. Mix glue with equal amount water. Pull ribbon through mixture. Wrap around the balloon, leaving open spaces for lace effect. Sprinkle with glitter or attach sequins to ribbon. Let dry 2-3 hours. Puncture balloon and pull through open spaces. For hanging, attach loop of ribbon to one end.

Cut canned cranberry sauce into slices and then use cookie cutters to make shapes.

Tiny Christmas Tree
15 12-inch pipe cleaners
1 12-inch piece of wire, like a coat hanger.
1 clean empty tuna can
1 10-inch piece of holiday fabric
½ to 1 yard ribbon
Floral clay
Cotton balls
Assorted 12 mm wooden beads, miniature ornaments, etc.

Cut
one pipe cleaner 5.25 inch long
two pipe cleaners 10.5 inches
two 8.5 inches
one 7 inches
one 3.5 inches

Braid or twist 3 12-inch cleaners around the 12-inch piece of wire to create the trunk. Starting 1-1/2 inches from one end of the trunk, twist centers of three 12-inch pipe cleaners around the trunk, fanning out to make 6 branches.
Starting 1-1/2 inches above first row, use three more 12-inch pipe cleaners to create a second row of six branches.
To make third row of branches, start 1 inch above the second row and twist one end of 5.25 pipe cleaner around trunk of tree. Twist centers of two 10.5-inch pipe cleaners around the trunk. Fan out to make five branches.
To make fourth row, twist centers of two 8.5-inch pipe cleaners one inch above third row. Fan out to make 4 branches.
To make final row, fan twist one end of the 3.5 inch pipe cleaner.  Twist center of one 7-inch pipe cleaner around trunk. Fan out to make 3 branches.

Place floral clay in tuna can. Place trunk in clay. Cover with cotton balls or batting to resemble snow.  Decorate with wooden beads or ornaments.

Candy Train
Five 5-stick packs of gum.
Two rolls Lifesavers.
Caramels
Hershey kisses
Licorice
Mini candy bars
Gummy animals
Starlight mints.

Use gum as flat cars. Lifesavers for engine. Mints for wheels, licorice to connect cars, kiss for smokestack, etc. Glue the wrappers, or use frosting for unwrapped.

Easter

Eggs:
1: Use a paperclip or something similar to poke a small hole in each end AND pierce the yolk,  then use one of those little syringe things they make to suck out a baby's nose to drain the eggs.
2: In deep bowls, combine 3 c. water, 2 T vinegar, and 3 drops food coloring to make dyes.
3: Place egg in dye and leave submerged until it is the desired color.
4: In shallow bowls, prepare second batches of dye to marbleize: Add 1 T olive oil and run a fork through it to create oil curlicues on the surface. As oil swirls, place egg in mixture and roll it once around the bowl to pick up the oil streaks. Remove the egg.  Pat dry with a paper towel.  Let dry.
5: Also try writing on eggs in crayon before dying.
6: Also try using rubber bands or adhesive strips for plaids and polka dots.
7: For more elaborate work, try using egg white to attach small flowers or leaves to a shell, then wrap in nylon and tie tight. Submerge in dye until desired color, remove, blot with paper towel. Remove nylon, peel away leaf carefully and let dry 10 min.

DECORATE:
Several baskets more than we need for T.  Use 'em in dining room and nook.
Put all the Snoopies in T's room
Put the singing bunny in the living room
Run ribbons through hollow eggs and and tie to a tree for decor.