Take Off Your Cheaters and Sit Right Down

So, the kid has been complaining intermittently of headaches since around Christmas. Then last week he started rubbing his eyes.

I'm not a big believer in freaking out, as you might guess. Brain tumor? Riiight. Allergies? Well, it is springtime. Seems like a good guess.

But we had a few free hours to kill last week, and I figured we might as well make sure it wasn't anything mid-range and eyeball-related that could be addressed.  So off to the eye doctor we went. 

Except, Lenscrafters was closed for the month because their optometrist quit. Pearle Vision was closed because it was a Thursday. Which left driving another 15 minutes, or wandering into WalMart in the same mall. WalMart won.  

I prepped the YP.  "They are going to make you look at some bright lights. They are going to make you stick your head in a frame and then poof some air in your eye. They'll make you look through a bunch of lenses like the ones we saw on the submarine at Pearl Harbor and ask you which ones make it easier to read."

He was all set, and he was all for it, and he did really well. This is no small feat for a kid who hates people fucking with his face and can barely sit still for a haircut.

And then ... there were eyedrops. Oh, my lord. I either didn't know or had forgotten they put drops in your eyes before they run a bunch of tests.  So this came as a surprise to the YP, and I'm pretty sure even if it hadn't he would have been a holy terror anyway. I don't know that any of that stuff ever went near his eyeball, though he said it did. 

So after all that ... I don't know why, but I really was expecting them to do a bunch of tests and tell me the kid was fine and to get out of their office and stop wasting time.  

Instead, the doc was all, "Well, he's nearsighted in one eye, and farsighted in the other. And he has astigmatism. He needs bifocals."

Whaaa? Bifocals? At 7? Why?

"Well, it would be very low prescriptions, but he needs correction for reading."

And for far away?

"No, not as much. But he'd need split lenses so he can see when he is not reading."

Ummm. Can't he just have reading glasses, then?

"Sure, we can do that instead. It's up to you."

Now, I guess this should make me happy, that a doctor listened and didn't just tell me I was a moron for having an alternate idea. And I guess I'm glad it was up to me. But there's still something a little unnerving about the idea that a doctor would be telling me, "Oh, yeah, that's a better idea. Let's do that."

Thomas was hot for bifocals at first. Then I explained he'd have to wear them at recess, on the bus, at gym ... and he reversed. "Oh. No. They will fall off. Forget it."  Score one for mom.

So we went to pick out frames, and I steered him over to the kid frames, where I was delighted to see him gravitate right toward a pair of $10 frames -- the pair you see in the photo.  Did he choose them because they were cheap and easily replaced when he inevitably squashes them? Of course not. He chose them because they were as close as he could get to this:

(This also explains the stern expression the kid is wearing in the photo above, and why you can't see his eyes very well.The glasses fit correctly, but he wanted a Doctor Photo and wouldn't hold his head in a way I could get everything centered.)

I have a feeling there will be some hardcore distraction going on in reading circle for the next week or so. And all reading aloud will be done with a British accent, puncutated by the occasional "Allonz'y!"

Oy.

Still. At least it's not bifocals. Like his dad. Hahaha.

Comments

[Cosmiccamper]

Those look totally cool!

[Mel]

your kid is the awesomest ever (with the obvious exception, of course, of my nephew, because I am not biased AT ALL)

[average blogger]

Hee. Thanks, you guys!

[lane]

What a great kid! When mine does a British accent, he is doing StarScream from the Transformers. He's not sure about the Doctor. "Why?" "Because he is very noisy and doesn't have a car." Tried to explain the Tardis. "Does it turn into a car?" "No." "Oh. You know, Bumblebee is a Transformer, who is an Autobot and a good guy, who transforms into a car. I like him." If mine ever has to pick out glasses, we'll have to go steampunk and get him driving goggles.