What Do You Have to Say for Yourself?

 Once upon a time, it was OK -- nay, insisted upon -- that as a group, kids should not spend a lot of time playing with the creepy freak who spent all his time mutilating animals and throwing glass bottles off rooftops.  It was commonly accepted that it was OK to assess people and then proceed based on those assessments. People could be "good" or "bad" or " barking insane and dangerous" or "dumb as a sack of hammers" or "smart, but totally fucking lazy and useless." 

I don't think this is quite as true as it used to be. There have always been good/bad/lazy people around and probably in the same proportion, but I am fairly well convinced that shame as I understood it in grade school is no more.  We aren't supposed to point and comment that Susie is a total spaz who can't walk without falling over and we aren't supposed to  roll our eyes when Jimmy c-c-c-c-caaaaaannnnnnnnn't ruh-reeee-re-ad-read a simple sentence in under five minutes.

Public shame was a great motivator in my day. It taught me that my strengths did not lie in kickball, but in spelling. It taught me that if I wanted to be chosen for teams rather than simply being the person left over at the end that nobody wanted, I'd better start figuring out how to play kickball better, or how to make enough money to pay someone else to play for me.

What has taken the place of this public shame? A flattening out of the bell curve for across-the-board mediocrity? All kids get medals regardless of where they place. All punishments are uniform, whether someone is a willful jackass or just having a bad day. People who work their 8 hours and bolt rather than sticking around that extra hour to finish their work are astonished when they get reviews that are less than glowing. All this focus on self-esteem has left little room for self-appraisal. Honestly, I see people who have spent their whole lives hearing how they are special! And wonderful! And ... nope, they're pretty stinking average.

Now, see, this is where things fall down. There's absolutely nothing wrong with average, it's just not special. The world needs ditch diggers too.... and frankly, the world would be better if those ditch diggers had some kind of ethic and incentive to be the best damn ditch diggers that ever lived, rather than rending their garments and howling about how they are special! and deserve better than ditch digger wages! etc. etc.

The best people I've ever worked with are the ones who love their work, who enjoy their lives, who don't stomp around with a whining sense of entitlement and overestimation of their worth as a human being, or conversely, la-de-da-ing around wondering why their life is sooooo harrrrrd and notttt fairrrrr and won't someone anyone please please hellllp meeee because I triiiiiiied and I just caaaaaaaan't. 

How do we get more of the former and less of the latter?  I'm pretty sure we wont' get it if we keep saying Everyone Is Special, and oh, it's OK if you're stupid, we'll just take care of it for you, it's not your fault! 

And how sad is it that if 99 percent of the whiners out there were to read this, they wouldn't have the slightest clue that they were the ones I'm talking about??

Comments

[lane]

C.S. Lewis wrote a much longer winded version of this in his essay, Men Without Chests. The essay is horrifying in its predicitions for the future, especially considering the accuracy with which he predicted what today was going to look like.

I used to get in trouble for taking naps and/or sighing loudly when it was Johnny Abbot's turn to read. Likewise, Johnny Abbot used to get in trouble for knocking me down on the playground. We both knew out strengths. (p.s., Johnny Abbot grew up to be a freaking rich construction guy.)

[NYAB]

Taking several steps down from C.S. Lewis, I'll cite sports talk show host Colin Cowherd, who said Simon Cowell is the most important person in America today, because he's the only person who is allowed to tell people they suck.

[modernfairie]

I started typing a response but it got to long. I think I'd like to talk about this in my blog too. I'll be linking over.

I hope your servers are prepared for the HUGE influx of traffic... just kidding.