Moral Relativism

As if you needed further proof that I can take any topic and turn it into sleeping potion, allow me to share an issue my friend Bald Owl and I were discussing last night.

Owl has a saying: "We like rules, because when we follow them we're allowed to judge those who don't."

You can trust me when I assure you that Owl knows from rules.

Anyway, the conversation turned to movie attendance, and seeing two movies for one ticket (declared unacceptable by both parties,) which in turn led to the issue of smuggling in one's own contraband material. And that posed the following question:

If a theater does not provide your beverage of choice, where on the moral outrage scale should you land if you bring in your own?

I worked in a theater for a while, and I know that the little sign on the door that says, "Please, no outside food or drinks," is up there for four reasons:

1 -- Every cent of concession profit goes to paying for everything except the movie.  Movie tickets cover the distribution fees and that's it. Popcorn covers rent, salaries, electricity, etc.

2 -- Generally, people who bring in their own food and drinks are a sloppy and inconsiderate bunch, which means not only did they not help pay the salary of the guy who will have to mop up whatever they spilled, they also required that guy to do that much more work for that much less pay.  This is a bit of a tautology, though: If that class of person weren't sloppy and inconsiderate, they'd probably respect management's request to not bring stuff in.

3 -- Because the theater management doesn't want you sneaking in your booze and spiked brownies to enhance your viewing experience.

4 -- So they can say you were duly warned when they kick your ass out if they do catch you bringing in stuff.

Now, here's the thing. Generally speaking, I am simply too lazy and not really well-organized enough to plot a surreptitious picnic in a movie theater.  But if I were ....

The theater  where we go most often does not serve my drink of choice.  They serve Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite and fruit punch.  They might also serve that nasty orange crap that tastes for all the world like that glucose test pregnant women have to take, I don't remember.  But they do not serve Dr. Pepper.

I say, if they do not serve my drink of choice, I should not necessarily be required to cough up the $3.50 to buy a drink of their choice. Generally I do, because the way it works out is that we get the YP a "kid's special" which is a tiny popcorn, tiny drink and bag of Skittles, and then NYAB and I split a 40-gallon drum of popcorn, and then he gets another drum of punch, and I scowl and get a drum of Coke. If he were to get Coke, I'd probably just drink half of his -- which is about the amount of beverage we both wind up throwing out anyway, as "small" in this world means "bigger than your head."  Occasionally we will also get some kind of candy, depending on when we last ate.

As you see, I'm not exactly stiffing the movie theater of its 99-percent markup on concessions.  I'm not bringing in my own popcorn, or my own fruit punch, or my own Reese's Pieces.

So on those rare occasions I actually know in advance we are going to the theater AND I remember they don't serve my soda, or in the slightly more common event that I just happen to have a half-bottle in my purse because I didn't finish it at work the day before, I will drink it in the theater -- with gusto, but also with care and non-sloppiness, and keeping in mind the hiker's motto to take out what I brought in.

Owl says this is wrong, and judges.  He is correct to do so, though I think my defense is solid.

The question I didn't ask Owl last night because it didn't occur to me until this morning: What if I were to buy a cup of ice from the theater and then pour in my own liquid? Does that square the deal? Or am I still in violation? After all, the sign on the door does clearly say "No outside food or drinks" -- not "No outside food or drinks unless you promise to be good and buy other stuff from us." 

What is your take?

I think, after all this, that perhaps the easiest thing is to just start going to the movie theater that's another 10 miles down the road, as they do serve my beverage of choice and all this woolgathering is moot.

Comments

[restaurant refugee]

Snarcastic Answer: I am fine with bringing in my own drink because very few movie theaters have beer as one of their fountain drinks.

Serious Answer: The escalation of admission prices has far exceeded the rate of inflation during the last 25 years. The wages of the average working actor (the guy you've never heard of) have remained stagnant over that same period. The wages of stars and executives have increased exponentially over the period. Until this gap in wages begins to close, power to the people, if your drink isn't available, feel free to smuggle (responsibly.)

[ardentdelerium]

I bring in my own drinks, because my drink is going to be water. If I didn't bring in the drink, I probably wouldn't be buying the movie ticket, because I am a poor student type. However, I usually do buy popcorn, and I only occasionally smuggle candy in. If Owl wants to judge me, he can, but I figure me paying for the ticket and popcorn and probably candy means I am still supporting people in the biz without having to pay for a giant tub of sprite that I will not finish. and after a movie I not only clean up after myself, but after other people in my row.

[Sparkling Cipher]

I RARELY go to the theater, so my opinion is merely opinion and not action, but I have no guilt about bringing my own. Except for the popcorn, they typically have nothing there that I want or couldn't pay less for in smaller quantities that wouldn't result in me eating 1000 calories of milk duds and drinking enough soda to keep me bouncing off the walls well into the night. Yes, Owl and AB, I am a bad, bad, mean woman. But I tip well at restaurants.