Dear Young Prince,
So, on Friday you came home from school with a conduct note, like every day. Some days you are a quality student. More often than not, you get marked off for talking. Friday you got marked off for hitting.
When I asked you about it, you said this girl E. was bossing you around and you said, "Stop being bossy," and she said, "you didn't say please," and turned and tossed her hair in your face. So you slapped her on the back.
And maybe you'll even remember the very big lecture you got from me -- and then again, almost verbatim, from your father -- about how people don't go around hitting their classmates, and especially boys don't hit girls, and yes, WE occasionally spank you when you misbehave, but we also throw away your DVDs and put you in time out and you don't do any of that to E., because we are grownups and you are not and we are your parents and you are not E's dad and it is our job to decide when and how YOU get punished and that is not your job with E, your job is to either get along with her or leave her alone and blablabla, and the next time she is bossy just say, "You aren't the teacher. Leave me alone," and turn YOUR back on HER.
What you won't know for probably 10 more years is that the entire time we were telling you this, all I could think was, "Man, I woulda smacked that li'l bitch too. Probably a lot harder than you did."
I hope this makes you feel better in your old age.