Bossy Chocolate -- Better Than No Chocolate?

So this colleague of mine is constantly putting these dumb little Dove candies in this candy bucket I have on my desk.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the contribution to the cause and chocolate is chocolate is chocolate, and that's all good.  But the Dove wrappers bother me. See, each chocolate is "wrapped with a special PROMISE® note inside." Promise, my ass. There are no promises here.They're like Fortune Cookies, only they don't give fortunes, and they aren't cookies.

(Of course, even fortune cookies usually don't actually offer up fortunes any more, they say things like, "A fearless man often gets kneecapped by the Mob," or whatever.  NYAB's theory is that litigation regarding one's fortune not coming true is somehow involved.)

So, these Dove things.  Yesterday I opened one that said, "Sing along with the Muzak."  And I was all, No, little Dove dictator, I will NOT.  Then later I opened one that said, "Flirting is mandatory."  WTF?  Sez who? Piss off, Dove wrapper. I don't like flirting with people I LIKE, when I'm in a GOOD MOOD, and yesterday I was very hatey and not-liking and bad moody.

And this morning's offering was "Remember your first everything."  Whaaat? I can barely remember my first NAME, let alone my first everything.

I call NYAB in his office.
"Are you alone?"
"Yeah...."
"Do you remember your first blowjob?"
"Huh?"
"Do you?"
"Ummmmmmm... I think I have to say no, I don't."
"Mm hmm. OK. Thanks."

Seriously, I resented it when my feminine products offered me useful advice and I resent my chocolate telling me what to do. Step off, inanimate objects!!!!

Comments

[Editor's Note]

As Ann Landers says, it will only bother you if you let it! You know what the solution is: Toss the wrapper without looking inside. Doves are too good to give up just because of the stupid platitudes.

[Lori]

I hate it when things boss me around. Like those "hang in there" posters with the cat. I want to rip them off the freakin' wall. (Sorry I'm punchy today)

[lane]

Have a happy Period!

[Matt]

Call me crazy, but it was always fun to grab one of those during the afternoon meetings and read the stupid PROMISE® note out loud. I kept waiting for one that read "Help!! I'm stuck in the Dove factory!"